Just one of those days.....

It's been a while since I felt, down. I know, i'm only human. These past few days I have felt a range of emotions. It's been a while since I actually cried because I was feeling down for myself.

A good friend of mine reminded me that one of my weaknesses is showing weakness.
I know, I guess I do have a problem with that. It's not that I try to deflect it. I guess I feel like I am in a position where I do not want to show the weakness so I can be strong for others. A leader must be strong, and set an example. Be there for his/her team. Take care of the team. That's who I am. I really don't care about my feelings, I care more about the people around me. One of the strengths that God has given me or maybe something where I feel maybe an obligation. Or something God wants me to do for Him. I just do it. For the love of others, for the love of His people.


Sometimes I may come off as self righteous, and I have no intentions of that at all. I'm far from perfect. In all honestly, I feel insignificant. I have so many imperfections. I do not like to sound arrogant, nor do I like to boast. I am better than NOONE. Compare me to dirt, please.


It does take a toll on me because I am not perfect. Trying to uphold His image is HARD WORK. To represent Christ, is hard. I enjoy it, and I love it, but I do struggle with it. I just want to please God. Crazy Love.



In all honestly, I am feeling like blah.

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Wow. I haven't posted in ages.
Let me start of by saying how I deeply miss blogging. I always have so much to say, but lately I've just collected my thoughts. So here I will start.

So much has happened these past few months, I don't know where to start; I guess I'll start from the beginning. I just transfer to San Jose State University, and I am enjoying it. I've been blessed with a on campus ministry (Pulse) that I try to attend, and also a small group (Haven) that I also enjoy. I've joined the campus Filipino club on campus (Akbayan) and I will be performing in PCN (Philipino Culture Night) this up coming May.I've made myself busy, (horrible) practicing four days a week, for Choir, Acting, and Dancing. It's fun, but time comsuming. Comming from a community college, I learn to appreciate the university level. Classes are pretty balanced, kicking my butt, but I'm surviving.


Another plus to transfering, is that I live on my own now, so it's been great. I eat ice cream for breakfast (Just kidding) and pretty much just do whatever I want. I miss homecooked meals so much! I am thankful to live near Cabalu(s) family and the Nocos family for allowing me to eat dinner hahaha. Thank God for costco too. Hehe.

To my dearest Mama Elsa. I went into my closet today, and I went into my black polo rain jacket's inside pocket to read the note you left me in the small booklet you gave me. When I started coming to C.G.C.F. You thanked me for my fellowship. I started to tear. It has been there ever since, and it will never leave.

You are one of the sparks in my life. At times when I felt like my work at church was over looked, you were the one who thanked me for my hard work and dedication. "Bless your heart" was something I often heard from you, and I am so thankful. The times where I would come over, and there is always food for me. I am thankful. You would always cook up a storm, and made sure I was full. Your loving and warm personality, from which I will coin you "everyone's second Mom", I am thankful. Our relationship went from me Tita to Mama very quickly, thank you for caring so much about me, like I was one of your own. You have heavily influenced me in my manner, my faith, and my evangelism; I am thankful. For teaching my brother and all the other kids at Sunday School, I am thankful.

I remember the mini-mission you sent me on, and I know you're watching from heaven, and you're so proud of what has happened. But I cannot take credit for those results, for God and you have made it happen. When summer comes, I will be back to prayer meeting child care duty, I promise. You are truely a blessing in my life. I love and miss you. I can't wait to celebrate with you again.

One thing that is continuously growing is my faith. Thank you Father, for Your love, care, forgiveness, grace, and the many other blessings you have provided me with. Tho I still struggle, You are the one who lifts me up. You are the one whom I depend on. I am nothing without You. Thank You for Your daily lessons. Thank You for You! I could type up Your love forever! (Pun intended)

Light up the darkness-- what does it mean?
In 1976 Bob Marley and his family were rehearsing at his home in Kingston Jamaica when seven gunmen barged in and shot the place up. Bob Marley was shot, and his wife too, and she in the head no less. they were admitted into the hospital and released two days later. Two days later they went on to perform a scheduled concert, bandages and all they still performed. A journalist asked Marley why on earth he would perform merely two days after being shot, barely recovered from his wounds.He responded "The people trying to make the world worse never take a day off, why should I? Light up the darkness."

"The Devil never takes a holiday, and neither do we..."
Matthew 5:16

To God be the Glory.

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"He wanted a woman who would feel about him the way he felt about her —- as if she’d been missing something until they met, willing to give up everything to follow him from one world to another, certain that every disastrous second she’d spent alone had only been leading up to this moment.

He wanted a woman who did not exist."

— Jodi Picoult

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I have had quite a few challenges these past few weeks. I've also been wrestling with my emotions; i've had a hand full.

Why? When? Nostalgia, questions, emotions, painful memories, not the whole enchilada. I'm not a hot mess, but it has given me some headaches and a lot to think about.

I've thought about my progress, and my future.

I guess i am constantly re-evaluating myself, and the standards I want to spread.

But I don't let these things bring me down.
Sometimes they do, but I am not perfect.

"Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up."

Sometimes I want to give up. Sometimes I feel like I can't go on, or it is useless for me to go on. Sometimes I feel like I am a waste. Sometimes I feel like the things I do aren't enough.

But I go on because I have a firm foundation. A Savior I can depend on.

I still have that smile on my face, and my head up high, because I trust in Him.
"My aura is positive, and I don't promote no junk!"

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I feel like blogging everyday.

But then I feel like it's something that's been written already. Sometimes I feel like it's not worth blogging, or i'm just lazy. More than often, I feel like every blog I write should be meaningful because you the readers are taking time out of your day to learn more about me, or find some news about me, or enjoy reading my pieces, or just stumbled upon my blog. So thank you, for all the people who visit here. Sorry I haven't done that much, but I'm working on that come back.

Inspiration

I think that everyone is a hero. I look up to everyone. Why you ask? It's actually quite simple. Doesn't it make you feel good when you see someone doing something good for another?

Hero is defined as a man distinguished by exceptional courage and nobility and strength.

For me, everyday people are heroes. People who do the little things that go passed the regular human vision and perception. The things unseen.

I commend people who work hard, help others, just straight up be nice to other people. They're the real heroes. Those who aren't thanked for what they do. You work hard, you do it the right way, and you deserve the best. You the bomb.

So what do heroes have to do with inspiration? Heroes inspire people. Everyone is a hero. We should inspire each other.

I am inspired when I see someone hold the door for someone. A smile can help bring someones day up. I kind gesture. Even a simple thank you. It is inspiring. I'm inspired by the gardener guy who makes our school campus. Someone who asks, "how are you doing?" The thought that someone cares about your own well being should matter. People that care are inspiring.

The most inspiring to me, is when someone goes out of their way to do something for someone.
Selfless actions that disregard and sacrafice their feelings and plans for someone else. Simply put: inspiring.

When you can help someone, inspire someone, and expect nothing in return, you are a hero. A real inspiration.

We all have the potential to be a hero and inspire other soon-to-be heroes. Do not think for one minute you can't, because ordinary people do the extra-ordinary things on a daily basis! You just don't know it. Well, now you know.


It feels good to do something for someone. To put a smile on someone's face. To make someone's day. If you do something good for someone, it helps you out: itdoes good for you. It makes you feel good, feel better. It brings up everyones mood! So spread the love, inspire others because you are a hero in someone's life.





BTW, I'm in class right now, and we're watching a movie on Darfur; please pray for them. Pray for our nation that needs a revival.

Peace.

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This is one of those blogs that will show one of my weaknesses. If you know me, I do not like to show weakness. One of the main reasons why I don't like to show weakness is because being a leader, or being a person that influences others, or even just being a person in my position, it does not play out too well. At least for me. I just don't like to show anyone because I want to be the least of problems, and for me to reach out to people who have problems, I guess I just struggle with it. (FYI I am sort of tearing up as I write this)

I love the show house. It is one of my favorites. I watch it as often as I can. At the moment I am watching house, and blogging, and procrastinating my homework (how unfortunate). While watching an episode on family, I have come to a realization that I feel miserable. Alot. Dr, House is a guy I can relate to, because he's miserable inside, and he doesn't want to admit it, or let anyone get too close to him. At times I feel that way. Deep down inside, I'm just sort of hurting. I don't want to admit it. How am I suppose to be a positive influence on other people, or someone who is suppose to be strong when others aren't with this... that is why it stays inside.

Am I not happy? Usually I say that If the Lord takes me tomorrow, I have lived a happy and fulfilling life. But right now I feel miserable sometimes. Maybe I am not miserable, but I am longing for parts in my life that are missing. I'm miserable because I'm scared. Maybe I'm craving something that I should be patient for. It hurts me because it is something really special to me, and I am feel like I will never come to it.

You can have all the best materialistic things in your life, but it does not equal to what Love has to offer, what Love can do to your life.

I should just shut up, build a bridge and get over it huh?

When my mind kicks in, it will tell me that God will take care of my problems, and I am blessed with everything I have. I should be patient, and continue to go along the path that the Lord has instore for me. God is bigger than my problems and I should trust in Him.

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I'm comming back!

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