Sunday, September 14, 2008
This is one of those blogs that will show one of my weaknesses. If you know me, I do not like to show weakness. One of the main reasons why I don't like to show weakness is because being a leader, or being a person that influences others, or even just being a person in my position, it does not play out too well. At least for me. I just don't like to show anyone because I want to be the least of problems, and for me to reach out to people who have problems, I guess I just struggle with it. (FYI I am sort of tearing up as I write this)
I love the show house. It is one of my favorites. I watch it as often as I can. At the moment I am watching house, and blogging, and procrastinating my homework (how unfortunate). While watching an episode on family, I have come to a realization that I feel miserable. Alot. Dr, House is a guy I can relate to, because he's miserable inside, and he doesn't want to admit it, or let anyone get too close to him. At times I feel that way. Deep down inside, I'm just sort of hurting. I don't want to admit it. How am I suppose to be a positive influence on other people, or someone who is suppose to be strong when others aren't with this... that is why it stays inside.
Am I not happy? Usually I say that If the Lord takes me tomorrow, I have lived a happy and fulfilling life. But right now I feel miserable sometimes. Maybe I am not miserable, but I am longing for parts in my life that are missing. I'm miserable because I'm scared. Maybe I'm craving something that I should be patient for. It hurts me because it is something really special to me, and I am feel like I will never come to it.
You can have all the best materialistic things in your life, but it does not equal to what Love has to offer, what Love can do to your life.
I should just shut up, build a bridge and get over it huh?
When my mind kicks in, it will tell me that God will take care of my problems, and I am blessed with everything I have. I should be patient, and continue to go along the path that the Lord has instore for me. God is bigger than my problems and I should trust in Him.
